Behold!

I am doing a new thing!
Once again (kind of like in 2009) several currents in my life are flowing together, impelling me forward into new and delicious doings - bold hearted and terrifying.  My "new year" begins Nov 1 (as you may or may not know about me).  I closed the book on the wretchedness of the year before and invited awesomeness in.  Gosh - the universe is amazing in reply!

I've added a little box on the sidebar linking to a fun "class" I'm taking through Big Picture Classes called "One Little Word".  The idea is to adopt one word - to explore it and invite all that it means to you into your life.  A touchstone, a process, a discovery - whatever you need or want - this one little word gets invited into your life.  My word is "Behold!" and it is seriously working.

Don't know if you can see how scared I am in this picture.  John says I look a little sarcastic.  (I promise you, I am not!)  I'm being BOLD - taking a picture for a self-portrait IMMEDIATELY just like the instructions said to*.  This is what I look like right after I've been struck by lightning (in an emotional - not physical way).  This is what it looks like when I commit whole heartedly to running my first marathon (not to mention competing in Ironman France 2014), writing and publishing my first book, while working full time (as a coach, workshop facilitator, and software trainer).  This is what I look like when it dawns on me how big I dream, how much I want the path I see before me, and how many steps imma have to take to get there.  Hoo-whee!

A few hours after all this Behold!-ing went on, I received a package in the mail from one of my wonderful clients.  Out of the blue.  For no reason other than she saw it and was struck by how perfect she thought it would be for me - she sent me a sign saying "Every Long Journey Begins with a Single Step".  She had no way to know what was going on for me.  I am friendly but do not throw my stuff at my clients.  And I hadn't had time to publicly post my ambitious goals and wholehearted commitment anywhere like Facebook (or here) yet! She acted on a "hunch" and was thereby a vessel for kindly affirmation from the universe.

Thank you universe! (I also thanked my client - profusely - in case you might be worried I hadn't.) I am buckling in for the ride.  I think of RBR's mantra for long runs and races, "Settle in.  We're gonna be here a while."  I know there is an awful lot of work - training, new skills to acquire, old negative habits of thought and action to eliminate, daily practice, unforeseen obstacles - the whole gamut.  But that's part of the joy, isn't it? Expect to hear more my pals.  I fear I am likely to dump it all here, triathlon and more.  Peace!

*Another thing you may or may not know about me is that I'm a "think about it for a long time" kinda gal.  Not so naturally a "read this and do it IMMEDIATELY" kinda gal.  I intuitively *know* what is right for me.  It is actually easy because for the big stuff - like falling in love with a person or sport - it feels like being struck by lightning must.  My hair stands up on end; I feel singed inside and out; I sob and laugh and scare the crap out of my partners who run in from the next room to find out what is wrong; I am wordless.  That distinct is the knowing.  Even for the littler stuff, the smaller decision trees, I hear an internal *click*. But the acting on it?  Especially the big stuff? Um yeah.  Not so much.  My fact-finder self has to research the hell out of something, take a class, interview anyone I can find who might have info, make pro/con lists etc.  (ad nauseum)  Taking a picture of myself to best capture "Behold!" at work in my life RIGHT THEN AND THERE (without going to shower, change clothes, think about background, etc) was itself an embodiment of beholding!  A step within a step.  I think it is going to be a very scary busy year.

Blogging Under The Influence

Last week was a huge training week (note: bragging to follow) and this week not so much (note: migraines are fuckers). Since Sunday (SIX DAYS!!!) I have been battling this headache. The headache thought it had won. Oh yes it did. If severe head pain could speak (or type maybe) its taunting would have looked something like this, "Hydration, yeah, yeah that's the ticket. (Snicker.) Tylenol? Puh-lease. Advil? You're joking, right? Ooooh - 1600 mg - scary. Not. Maxalt? Expired sample packets of Maxalt?!! Hahahahahahahahaha!"

Then approximately 47 1/2 minutes ago (which was 10.2 seconds after a shot* to the "hip") the smacktalk ended mid-jeer. Things got muuuuuuuch better. Better enough that I was not allowed to drive myself home from the doctor's. (Thanks honey, for coming to get me!) Better enough that I am finally, blissfully pain free. And seriously woozy. With fingers and toes that are weirdly hot while the rest of me is cold. I expected to be asleep right now (and for the rest of the day.) Meds always knock me o-u-t. Even the meds that say "daytime formula" or "non-drowsy" are practically coma inducing when they enter my system. So what's up?! Why am I awake? And if I have to be awake, why am I not fully functional? (I'm not. I checked. I tried to get up and get some chores done when I realized I was not falling asleep. Bad idea. A bruised elbow, a broken glass, and a mess of papers later I decided that bed was the safest place to be for a while, sleep or no sleep.) So you, my lucky readers, are duly warned that today I reserve the right to make no sense, to ramble, and to digress often.**

So on to the BRAGGING!
Eleven hours of training last week - 120 miles of which were on my bike. (I know! Me. On my bike that much.) Track workouts: speedwork. (I know! Me. Being speedy. Well, sort of.) A triple brick. (I know!!!!!) The triple brick was AWESOME. It totally sucked while doing it - especially the first lap. I was tired all over and my quads were sore from the 30 mile bike in the hills + 2500 yd swim the day before. The first ten minutes of the first brick, I kept thinking, "If it hurts this bad now, if I'm this tired already, how the HELL am I going to finish the workout, much less be ready for a race that's even longer?!"

By the second brick, things actually hurt less. They usually do. I know this intellectually but it is sooooo hard to make my body believe it when I start out. Hitting the mid point in a workout always helps - knowing that what we have left in front of us is less than what we've already done. Donna and I both struggled through some tough mental/emotional places (as usual). At one point she told me she couldn't keep up with me on the run (which was so strange for me to hear because I was having trouble keeping up with her) and for me to go on. I wanted to stay together (which was probably irritating - aren't you wishing you were my running partner?) so I became very conscious of our pace and let her set it. That mile came in 20 seconds faster than the mile before.

Through the whole third brick I kept telling myself that it was about finishing, not about time - that everything from here on out was gravy. I thought the bike would be the worst but it was that final run that was the hardest for me. I wanted to stop with every single step. I also wanted to really push myself and leave it all out there. (I don't do that a lot in training. It scares me to push that hard.) I ended up running my final mile (our 51st mile of the day!) in 10:38. That may look slow to all of you - but to put it in perspective - I'm comfortable with a 12 min pace and thrilled with 11:30's. So knocking a minute twenty-two off my "regular" pace or fifty-two seconds off my "fast" pace - on my last mile of a long day? GLORIOUS!

Earlier in the week we had a 45 mile bike (with some wind and lots of hills) where we averaged 15 mph. It was the first time I'd done that. We've had shorter, flatter rides that fast, but this was the first long, challenging ride where we'd been able to sustain that pace. All in all that was a great training week, which makes this week so much more frustrating in comparison. I seem for various reasons not to be able to get two decent training weeks in a row. I sincerely hope to be able to get this week back on track and at least complete my weekend workouts as scheduled! Peace.

TODAY I LOVE: drugs

*I was going to tell you the name of the med they shot me up with but when I looked up the name I thought they gave me, Dr. Google said that med is no longer available in the US. My second best guess at a name returned four google hits - all in Russian - which seemed to have to do with electricians, not drugs. End result: I have no idea what I'm cruising on here, but you should totally get some.

**I realize that some of you are probably thinking, "So that makes this post distinguishable from what she usually writes...how?" to which I say, "Dude, don't harsh my mellow here."

Turning Corners In The Summertime

Here's how the summer's going so far:
I'm eating A LOT of this (so yummy!):

I'm seeing this on my bike rides/bricks (so pretty!):

There's plenty of this going on around me (loud but so much fun!):

(That's only four of the seven we have for the day - but the other two boys have gone bowling with friends and the Princessa is at a party. I can add ferrying kids all over creation to the list of summer happenings.) I LOVE having everyone (and their friends) home again.

In triathlon news, things are definitely shifting. In a good way. On Saturday morning we had a Team Sakina 7 mile trail run at Umstead Park. Now anyone who's been reading this blog for a while will probably expect me to start stressing about those seven miles. But guess what? Donna and I both realized that we'd turned some sort of corner in our training or confidence or something because neither of us was stressed about the distance or the trail or the pace. We were both the most stressed about getting good directions to the park!! The trail was GORGEOUS - lots of ferns, rocks, hills and trees everywhere. And our pace? We did seven miles in 80 minutes - which is an 11:26 min/mile pace!! (That's fast for us - especially for a hilly trail. In fact, I still find it hard to believe it was a full seven miles, but our leader and a couple of others said it was. Woo hoo!)

This morning we did a short brick (15 mi bike, 3 mi run). I felt great - centered, solid, perfectly fueled. I brought fantastic intenisty. I don't know exactly what the bike pace was but the run pace was 11:10 min/mi. (Did I mention that's fast for us?) Donna had significant fueling issues and totally, completely bonked. But have I mentioned she's a machine? She led on the bike, pushed me on the run, and put up the same numbers as I did. She may not have been a happy camper at the end of our brick but all it took for her to regain the will to live was some solid food. We spent a good hour afterward figuring out better nutrition/self care plans for the upcoming week. (Last week she worked at least 4 12-hour days and this week looks like more of the same. Thank God Thursday is her last day for the year!!) It's amazing how much we keep learning about adapting. I love this sport!

This week our training plan has three days of bricks, two long swims, a 45 mile endurance ride, a run with short interval speed work, and a 5K (Race For The Cure). It looks tough but doable to me. And that, my friends, is pretty much the nail in the coffin for the "old" me. I'll probably still freak out about stuff occasionally (that triple brick for instance) and I'm sure I'll whine about things (that triple brick for instance) - but triathlon has irrevocably changed me. (For the good I think.) I love this sport!! Hope everyone else's summer is going great too!

TODAY I LOVE: triathlon and locally grown, organic strawberries still hot from the field!

A Mixed Bag

Swim:
I'm beginning to loathe the word "descend".
And in what world does 3x200, 2x200, 3x150, 4x100, and 4x50 add up to 1750?? I want to talk to the person who wrote these swim workouts. And his grade school math teacher!!

Bike:
We bailed 8 miles into the first of three bricks that were scheduled for Sunday. It was rainy and windy. We got soaked through and battered. Then the temperature dropped 15 degrees. Then Donna had a flat. The weather got worse all day and yesterday the low was near freezing. In May. A week after I nearly had heatstroke in a 10K. My mental state about missing those bricks swings about as much as the weather. I waffle between thinking it was a smart move and feeling like a wimp.

Run:
We have a 6 mile run tomorrow, a Team Sakina trail run Thursday night, a 10 mile run scheduled for Friday, a Team Sakina long run on Saturday morning, and 6 miles (spread over two bricks) on Sunday. Ever heard the phrase, "Something's gotta give?" Yeah. I'm thinking it'll be the 10 miler on Friday. And possibly the Thursday night trail run too. I have the chance to go see a documentary about Meinrad Craighead which is hard to pass up!

Other:
On the plus side, my writing has been ON FIRE! I used every minute of my recovery day yesterday to write and had to force myself away from the page today in order to go swim. I've launched a new project, finished the outline on the current project, and gotten the better part of two chapters completely drafted. My newfound courage to show up on the page consistently is a direct result of honoring my training commitment and following my nutrition plan. I feel more solidly aligned than ever before. I love my life. And? Today is our daughter's birthday.

TODAY I LOVE: my Ninja Princessa - 14, I can't believe she's fourteen!

In Which I Inhale Ants (Again)

It's that time of year again. I braved the morning downpour to snip this lovely for my desk. I think I'm addicted to the scent of peony. Can't. stop. sniffing. it.

In other news...I rocked my bike trainer workout Tuesday (after reading Iron Snoopy's inspiring IMKY race report) and then totally bailed on last night's swim. To be honest - I'm not worried about the swim. I love water - and being in water - especially the ocean is what makes me feel most at home. The swim part of the race being in the Intracoastal Waterway is interesting and a totally new experience for me but still...not stressing about the swim. (Yet.) This week, I realized I needed to pick my battles. Letting myself off the hook for a swim workout makes it practically impossible to skimp on any of my other (i.e. bike and run) workouts this week. Which is good. Because I'm stressing pretty hard about being a fast enough cyclist and strong enough runner. Hoolies - the B2B is 6 months from today!! And we have a road race this weekend. A 10K. I've never done a stand alone 10K race before. I've probably only run 10K in about a dozen training runs in my life. Granted, I do have an Oly tri and two half marathons under my belt in addition to those dozen 10K (ish) training runs. Why doesn't that give me more confidence?? Good news is it'll be a PR, right?

We have speedwork on the plan for tonight with upper body lifting and core work for tomorrow. AND Donna found an awesome women's trail running group called Team Sakina that we're going to join tonight! I am super excited about that.

Finally - I'm celebrating the scale numbers! I'm jumping the gun a bit since my monthly weigh in doesn't happen until tomorrow (the 8th) but I don't care. My weekly date with the bathroom scale is on Thursdays and as of this morning I've lost a total of 17.4 pounds (since Jan 8th)!! Woo hoo and YAY ME! (Only 22.6 more to go on or before November 7th - and to keep it all off for the rest of my life.) I feel great; my workouts are strong (well - except for the very, very few that I blow off!); and I'm eating a ton of yummy food. I'm not sure it can get better than this. I love my life. LOVE IT!

TODAY I LOVE: my life (did I mention that?) and peonies!

When The Word Brick Is Followed By An "S"

First, a little Linky Love because Blogland is so awesome right now:

• Have you seen Benson's Swine Flu post?? OMG - I've had this open on my desktop for days now and it cracks me the hell up every, single time I see it!!
• If you haven't already - head over to Brian's for the chance to win the Big B Swag Bag (including a piece of The Wall!) from his upcoming Great Wall Marathon on the 16th. He needs some songs for motivation and you can help. BTW, how freakin' cool is that for a marathon??
  
• Don't go to DCRainmaker's blog unless you want to see some gorgeous pictures of Seattle and the first ever picture of his elusive Girl. Jeanne once called him the enfant terrible and that name totally made me chuckle. I love his blog even though it puts mine to shame. He travels and trains and eats gorgeous food 10 times more often than I ever will and he blogs about it all practically in real time with amazing pics. Good thing he's so nice or I might have to hate him.
• I've found two more B2B peeps! Missy is doing the half and KrissyGo is doing the full. Yay!
  

Now about those brickS! Bricks - we all know and love bricks. What's not to love about jumping off the bike and trying to run when your ass feels like lead and your legs may or may not even be down there anymore - oh wait, you can see them and there's a vague thudding sensation nearby so your legs must be kinda sorta working? Some bricks are better than others. I don't really mind swim-bike bricks. (Those are still called bricks, right? I know the races like that are called aquabikes but the training plans I've read still call those workouts bricks.) See, all of this talk about bricks plural and it's no big thing. But then our training plan (that I may begin to hate Formulaic for) called for bricks plural on Sunday. Us - two bricks, one workout. As in "15 mile bike followed by 2 mile run, times two." (BTW - we're doing this 18 week plan twice through - once at the "beginner" level and then after a two week break, a second time at the "intermediate" level to end at our first half iron in good shape. The double brick is the beginner level. Next time through it will be a triple brick. Help me, Sweet Baby Jesus.) Do you get the idea that this thing scared the kee-rap out of me? We'd already had a big day on Saturday so I was not sure at all I could do this workout as prescribed.

Guess what? We KICKED it. As in a) we finished both bricks and b) the pace of our final two miles on the run was 30 seconds faster than pace of our first two mile run - which was already slightly faster than our "normal" pace to begin with!! Boo-yah! (So, Form, you are safe from my wrath - in fact, I may owe you a great big, sweaty hug!)

All through the first brick we kept looking for ways out of the second. It wasn't happening. The weather was great, there were no mechanical issues, and even me leaving my bike glasses at a bathroom stop couldn't be turned into more than an excuse to ride an exta mile out of the way. So Donna and I started talking about how we didn't have to do anything but finish the second one. It didn't have to be as good/fast/easy as the first one. It merely had to be done. We could do that - just finish it. Every wheel revolution and run step taken on that second brick was gravy. Every bit was pushing into new territory - doing something we'd not done before. Gravy, gravy, gravy we kept telling ourselves. We were more than a little punchy at the end. Can you tell? Guess those endorphins had finally kicked in. The second brick turned out to be smoother, stronger, and faster! Forget it being plain old gravy. It was transformational gravy! (Which we decided would be a great name for a folk group but would suck as a punk band name.)

I'm still not sure how we did it but I'm beginning to trust and love the training process. Of course, I might not feel that way for very long. I still have an hour worth of sprint, hill, and leg drills on the bike trainer this afternoon. Peace peeps!

TODAY I LOVE: transformational gravy and recovery days (like yesterday - still savoring it!)

Philosopher's Way 7K Trail Race Report

Woo hoo! I ran a trail race! It was only my second ever trail run - and it was fantastic!! I have no idea what my "official" time was but my watch said 1:00 flat. (I didn't stop my watch at the water station or when I took pictures. Donna did stop hers so her watch says we managed 58:11. The official time is sure to be a bit more than an hour because it wasn't chip timed and it took us a bit to get to the line.) What a great race! And what super weather we had. Overcast and only in the upper 70's. Here are some pictures from the morning:

This is the 15K start. (We didn't do the 15K because aside from seeming like too much to bite off for a first trail race - we still have a 2100 yd swim and a 25 mile bike ride on the schedule for today.)

We were running on the mountain bike trails in the Carolina North forest so there were all kinds of coolie things along the way like this banked ramp.

They had PBR and pretzels at the water station. I LOVE trail races!!

Here we are at the water break. I carried my camera in my hand the whole time - so you can tell I wasn't terribly concerned with my time. I wanted to enjoy the experience and record what was different about trail racing from road racing.

Pretty much everything was different! There were rolling hills throughout. A few tougher climbs but mostly rolling, rolling, and winding. The above picture doesn't really do justice to this cute little curvy bump and tree bridge along the trail. I was fascinated by how different it feels to be in the forest. I got into a zone but it was an entirely different type of zone. For the first mile, we could hear the music from the "expo" area drifting over and through the trees. After that faded away, we heard each other - a little chatter, some huffing and puffing along the single track line, and the crunch and tramp of footfalls.

There was an entire glade of ferns at the bottom of one of the downhill curves. I love the lush mystery of ferns.

And rocks!! There were gorgeous rocks everywhere. Rocks make me happy. Seriously happy. At the start, we had chatted with a teacher Donna used to work with (Kirsten) and met some of her friends (Kristy and Blake) who were doing the race. Afterwards we compared notes about how great the race was and we might start our own training group! (Maybe even to include our dogs in some way.) How much fun is that?! This training and racing thing just keeps getting better and better! Peace.

TODAY LOVE: Mother Nature and the athletic community

**Hey RBR - look! I posted a race report on the very day I ran the race!!**

Spring Break!

I'm missing the blogworld! I'm sorry I haven't had time to do more than skim last weekend's race reports. (Do you know how amazing my racing blog buddies are? Oh, wait - you probably do because it's freaking WEDNESDAY (nay - almost Thursday!) already and half of you have probably moved on to prepping for THIS weekend's races. Ay yi yi!) I promise I'll (try very hard to) catch up on my commenting one day (soon). John is crazy busy at his new job (and LOVING it); Donna is on Spring Break (and getting some desperately needed rejuve time away from her students); and my boys are here (which means I am squeezing them incesssantly and watching movies like Bolt and Clerks and finding out that Green Day is making a musical and U2 is on tour and ...). It's awesome. In between all of this I've managed to train, have my first mammogram (not bad at all!), and find both a new running store and chiropractor. And finally - I have to mention that January 8th was the day I made a commitment and a plan to lose this weight. Today - April 8th - the scale is down twelve pounds (12.2 in point of fact). Yay!

In Which I Am Suprisingly Empowered By Hummus

Thank you for the wonderful comments on my last post. I am envious of those of you who love, love, love beans and tomatoes! I am missing cheese but I keep telling myself that part is only for six weeks. (Forty more days to go!) Once the initial phase is over, I'm going to add back in skim milk, cheese (reduced fat or small, occasional treats of the fabulous varieties), and egg (whites). I don't think I said so in the last post, but I committed to this particular plan in support of my mother. She is more excited about this food plan than I have ever seen her about any kind of food or health plan. She has been so encouraging and supportive of me in myriad ways - it is literally the least I would do in order to reflect some of that back to her. There is great shared energy and solidarity in working a new food plan with someone else. (Which is why John is doing it with us too!) Don't get me wrong - I have been moving in this direction for months and I'm firmly focused on my own goals. But I wouldn't have become a vegan* (even if it's only for six weeks) for anyone other than my mom.

The first (vegan) phase is focused on resetting your taste buds, digestive tract, and your brain/food coping skills. It's working! Food is already tasting different and BETTER to me. (I still don't think I'll ever like wheat germ on popcorn.) But I am eating a huge variety of new and wonderful foods. I am eating as much/many raw fruits and vegetables as I possibly can. (The goal is a pound of veggies and at least 4 whole fruits a day. That, my friends, is a lot of food.) In addition, the goal is to have another pound of cooked greens, a cup of beans, an ounce (=handful) raw nuts, and up to a cup of grain/starchy cooked veggie (yummy potatoes) a day. Every single day. On the one hand it's a lot of work to eat that much food. On the other hand it's insanely simple. I wash and chop everything as I buy it, so if I don't feel like cooking, all I have to do is pick something up and start chewing. Zero thought.

The "cooking" part has been a bit of a readjustment. No sugar, no salt, no oil. No sugar is easy peasy for me. No salt is killing me. Mrs. Dash is my new best friend! (Thanks Stef for reminding me Mrs. Dash exists!) No oil? You know I loves me some olive oil drizzled on veggies (with sea salt!!) but I'm not missing it too much yet. The pear infused balsamic vinegar I've been using on my (giagantuamongo) salads is delicious as is and I'm lightly steaming veggies instead of roasting them.

And? BIG news. I like some legumes! Leh-gooooooms. Such a silly word. But did you know, hummus is a legume. Ok, ok - it's the garbanzo beans that are the ... well, beany part. I've been making my own hummus. From scratch! It is delicious. And easy. And cheap! Do this: take one can organic garbanzo beans including 2/3 cup of the bean juice (which in some of my cans is all of the juice and sometimes is just most of it), 3 Tbs lemon juice, a bunch of minced garlic, 2 Tbs tahini (which is sesame seed butter and is found with the natural nut butters), and (optional - but OMG it's my favorite part so I put in even more) 1 tsp horseradish (which bizarrely is found at my Harris Teeter in the refrigerated dairy section between the cheese and eggs, WTF?) and puree all that together. Eat it by the spoonful or piled on top of raw carrots, broccoli, bell pepper, or celery stalks. (When I add back in eggs, I'm making "deviled" eggs substituting my hummus for the traditional egg yolk/mayo part!)

Here's the even bigger news about hummus. (I'm sure you're thinking, "Who knew there could be any news about hummus, much less bigger news?" but at the risk of sounding like a wacko vegetable convert - this next bit has changed something fundamental for me.) Did you know you can make hummus out of other stuff? Maybe all of you bean-loving folks knew this but it's rocking my world! I guess it's probably not called hummus then - but it serves the same purpose (i.e. makes it possible to eat beans without gagging). My friend Coffee doesn't like garbanzo beans so she makes her "hummus" out of black eyed peas and pinto beans. I LOVE the way some people think. I'm so willing to experiment with some "rules" (e.g. big ole social conventions) but it doesn't (or hadn't until now!) occurred to me to muck about with set and standard food things. I have long known that my tomato aversion is largely texture based. The only salsa I like is one made by my friend (who happens to be Coffee's husband and whom I call Salsa Man!) His salsa is the least "chunky" salsa ever. It is ridiculously flavorful and not at all filled with lumpy, slimy bits! Ah hah. Total eureka moment. I like hummus. I like edamame. What don't I like about other beans? They are lumpy and slimy. Guess what I did? Last night I made black beans to pour over our allotted cup of rice - which I had mixed with the world's yummiest salsa for flavor and then topped with avocado. I left everyone else's alone, but I pureed the black beans for mine. Same yummy smell and taste - vastly improved eat-ability. Woo hoo! I may hummus-ify every bean I come in contact with and see if I don't find some more I like. I am totally optimistic now.

Speaking of optimistic... love and luck to all the racers this weekend but ESPECIALLY to Steve, Pharmie, Viv and Wil - who are racing the inaugural NOLA 70.3. And to AKA Alice who has the Train Run this weekend. Race hard, have fun, and I can't wait to read the race reports!

TODAY I LOVE: my mother and the unassuming little machine that purees the heckfire out of all those beans! (Of the two, I love my mother waaaaaay more but she'd kill me if I put her picture on my blog so the mini food prep is getting star placement.)


*I had the hardest time typing the word "vegan" and linking it to myself in any way. Vegetarian? A bit of a stretch, but really no problem. But vegan? Me? No freaking way. I probably shouldn't say this - it's akin to begging to be smat (again) - but the few vegans I've met have come across (to me) as righteous, obnoxious, and ... not particularly healthy looking. When my daughter announced last year that she wanted to be a vegetarian, I told her I would absolutely support her but that she was not allowed to be a vegan. Surely there are fabulous, kind, interesting, healthy looking vegans out there. If you are one of that kind will you let me know? Please! I very much want to change my narrow, bigoted perception. If you are one of the dried up looking, scrawny, preachy, mean kind... Why are you reading my blog? And why would anyone give up cheese (glorious cheese!) to be like you?

Home Alone

For the first time in a long time I am home alone. (Or at least - I'm the sole human. I have plenty of crazed, furry company in the form of two squirrel-mad dogs.) Today is John's first day of work! Yay! It's so exciting.

In training news - I did in fact go for that run (with Donna) last week in the rain for track drills and then 40 minutes at Zone 2. I think we were supposed to do 15' at Zone 1, but as I've said before, I don't have a Zone 1 run (yet). If I slow down enough to stay below Zone 2, then it's a walk. Sigh. I hope as I build up aerobically and drop weight that I'll end up having a Zone 1 run. Then, in an exciting development, our next run was a 4 mile run which I kicked ass on. We have a trail close by that's a flat 3 miles. To get in the extra mile we ran there and back home again which we don't usually do because from the trail to our house is STRAIGHT UPHILL. But we did it - and even with the hill, I had the fastest pace on any run since the triathlon last year. Woo hoo! (Of course it hurt and was hard and I wanted to stop pretty much every step - but I did it anyway!) Total "yay me" moment. We had a swim over the weekend with the main set being 50's at Zone 3 then Zone 2. It was bizarre how consistent I was. In Zone 3 my times were :44, :45, :44, :45, :44, :45 and my Zone 2 50's were all :47 with two of them being the exact same to the millisecond (or whatever that next smaller number is called.) I am enjoying the swim workouts right now. Oh - but someone please answer me this - what exactly is the point of doing a kick drill with fins on? (The lady in the lane next to me freaked me out by lapping me on the kickboard until I realized she had some help of the blue plasticy kind.) I don't really understand the point of fins in the pool. They make a TON of sense to me in the ocean when you're snorkeling and want to be able to stay out longer and move faster with less energy expended - but in the workout pool?

In nutrition news - I am a wack job. I'm totally turning into one of those health nuts. I'm seriously considering doing this six week vegetarian food plan. The hardest thing for me is that I don't like beans. At all. Or tomatoes. They totally (and completely!) squick me out. Legumes. I don't even like that word. It sounds ridiculous. Like there was once a contest to find the word that sounded the dorkiest when you said it and that's the word that won - legumes. Still - the more studies I read, the more I learn about nutrition, the more I think I have to go gonzo on the fruits and vegetables (and legumes) and step away from the animal products. I can eliminate meat with very little problem. Probably won't even notice that part. It's the cheese that I love with all my heart and every fiber of my (chubby) being. But I am committed and serious and focused about finally (finally, finally) losing this weight! I want to be my right size when I toe the line in November. Eating healthy food is so much EASIER than working out with all these extra pounds on me. If someone said - you can keep eating all the stuff you like right now, but you have to wear this 40lb rucksack for every workout from now until November - I would absolutely say forget it, skip the anchor - hand me the health food. The Zone Diet has been a great start for me but I need ... more. Nutritionally dense food - here I come! Do you think giving up cheese will be as hard as giving up caffeine? ('Cause that took me like two years - and I only have seven months!) Wish me well.

I'm sorry I haven't been by to visit/comment much since last week. I'll try to catch up soon - but today is another four mile run and upper body weight training. Tomorrow, pals.

TODAY I LOVE: learning about nutrition

A Little Whine, A Bit Of Cheese, And A Spot of Yay Me!

Once again with moving the training schedule around! The plan called for a run today. Three inches of snow yesterday and today being a high of 20-something - uh, no. I don't own or have access to a treadmill - so another uh, no. Bike trainer it is! On the upside, Thursday (the day that was supposed to be a bike trainer day) is supposed to be beautiful and warm. Total win-win situation to flip those two workouts, I think.
On the downside is the fact that the trainer ride called for ILT. Have you done that?! Jeez oh Pete it's hard!! (The instructions say to put your resting leg on a chair but I thought it was easier to put my foot on the piece of the trainer that sticks out in the back. That kept my leg out of the way of the pedal and didn't seem to change the angle of my hips/leg as much as when I put it out to the front/side on a chair. Any reason anyone can see not to do it this way?)

But back to how surprisingly hard ILT was for me. It took me a few attempts to even get my right leg all the way around in one circle. It was nothing approaching the smooth action of those pistons on locomotives! I had to seriously gear down to be able to make one circuit and then I concentrated so hard on making smooth circles that I thought I was going to burst something. I assumed my left leg would be even worse (because I am right handed) but it wasn't! It was MUCH easier, much more balanced on my left side. On the right side I have a strong push and almost zero pull up to get back around. On the left side I have about the same amount of both. I have no idea if that's because my left leg is weaker all the way around but more in synch with itself or if the muscles responsible for lifting up on the right leg are the weak spot in the whole picture. (I have a marked difference between the two sides doing pigeon pose in yoga. I need a bolster when my right leg is forward and I'm perfectly positioned and able to stretch out when my left leg is forward. Does anyone else have that big of a difference between their two sides - or am I a total freak?)

I've been a little up and down with food recently. I love the Zone. It completely works for me. I feel nourished and usually not hungry. So after losing almost nine pounds, it freaked me out to gain three of them back in two days (with no hormonal or food explanation) and have them stick around with no sign of budging for a week. I got a little discouraged which led to some emotional eating. And then I had some (more) grief in the contentious co-parenting realm with my ex. And that led to some (more) emotional eating. The out of zone eating happened several times and was more limited/healthier than any "bingeing" I've ever done in my life. And I was very aware that that was what was going on. (Which may sound weird but paying attention is a big, healthy, and relatively recent step for me.) I was aware that the bowl of mac n' cheese I was savoring was not in the Zone. I could not bring myself to care for a few days. Strangely, the minute I started saying my affirmations about releasing the struggle, about letting go of my grief, about being my goal weight, about being strong and faithful - the scale started skooching it's way down again. THAT gave me energy to get completely back in the Zone.

I am progressing towards my goals - physical, emotional, and spiritual - still by fits and starts, but also in noticeably smoother cycles. It's like ILT for my whole entire being. I may whine about how haaaaarrrrd it is sometimes, but I'm so grateful for the chance and ability to do it - and so lucky to have the love and support that I do. Yay!

TODAY I LOVE: (in addition to all that stuff I just said up above!) the tiny little plate shaped like a carrot my mother gave me a few years ago. (I've just gotten it out again and it's made me smile at least three times today!)

Reluctant Fish

We have a brand new aquatic center a few miles from our house. It opened on January 5th. It is beautiful. A separate pool for the kids, swim lessons, scuba, aqua-aerobics etc. Ten (maybe 12?) wide lanes solely for lap swimming. And my pass from the community center is valid there - sweet! Yet...today is the first day I've been able to make myself go get in the pool. It's been cold; I haven't had a swim specifically in my plan; I didn't want to go alone, blah, blah, another lame excuse, blah. This afternoon my need for a workout that wouldn't make my legs any more sore outweighed my aversion to putting on a bathing suit. I went. Alone. In the cold. I had to wait for a lane. I thought about bagging it.

I am so glad I didn't! I needed the quiet and the solitude. I needed the stretching and the pulling that is swimming. I needed the confidence from doing something new and on my own. I needed to learn if I could follow instructions like "DESCEND" on the training plan. Guess what? I can! My 4x100 DESCEND looked like this: 1:50, 1:47, 1:43, 1:42. Yay!! It was a short workout - only 1000 yards - so aside from a few drills and the warm up, cool down - the descending 100's were pretty much it. But still! Something new and faster than my usual steady swim of 2 minute hundreds. Maybe the push ups are helping after all? Maybe I knew there wasn't much else to the workout so it was easier to focus on getting those exactly right? Maybe I was just so glad to be back in the water again? Whatever the contributing factors - I'm grateful for a good swim!

Stronger All Around

Until our "official" training plan kicks in mid-March, we have target workout amounts rather than sport specific workouts. Donna is much better about hitting her target than I am. But I'm getting there. Today I stretched myself and managed to learn the next combination in our Dance Cardio routine. I lengthened my workout time and pushed that emotional/mental anxiety barrier by trying something new and complicated. Stronger than before!

I've had a lot of sassy, negative voices in my head since the new year began. I meant to defang them earlier by talking about them, but there's been so much else going on that I slipped back into the old pattern of being "fine" on the outside while they gnaw on me on the inside. No more! It may be cliche and unimaginative to resolve to lose weight starting January first but really, I resolved last February to lose 40 lbs. (<--Which more or less didn't happen - I lost a few pounds but right after the Pacific Grove triathlon they found their way back home and brought a few friends along.) Then I re-resolved to lose these pounds on December 8th and it took me a couple of weeks of fixing to get ready to get started before I had a workable plan. That's when the voices kicked in - whispering insidiously, "You didn't make it happen last year, what makes you think you can do it this year?" They warn me not to tell too many people about this pie in the sky goal lest I be embarrassed on top of being disappointed when I don't reach my goal. The voices wonder if talking about my weight will cause other people to pay closer attention to my size and shape. Whisper, nag, undercut, cackle, mutter - the voices have not shut up since I started articulating my weight goal. STUPID FUCKERS!! I hate those voices. I hate them because they are right in a way - I don't want to be embarrassed on top of being disappointed; I don't want anyone looking more closely at me right now. Hell - I don't want to look more closely at myself because it gives those voices that much more ammo. However - I want this. I want to be lean and athletic. I need less padding and more strength to do what I want to do in this world. Another thing the voices don't want me to say out loud (lest I sound fruity and new agey and I don't know, crazy*) is that I had a dream on January 8th from which I woke up absolutely believing I can do it this year. It was a rock solid feeling. It was all me believing in myself without any doubts. No doubts about my ability to achieve my aim, no doubts about the hard work it will take to get there, no doubts about why I want what I want - no doubts at all. It was such a strong feeling that it lasted most of the day where other feelings left from dreams evaporate before the teeth can even get brushed. The voices were practically silent for the rest of the week. Of course they've come back but I am sick of them! I don't think I'll have another dream to help me fight them off again so I'm pushing back the only other way I know how:

I'm putting it out there - I intend to weigh 127 lbs on or before November 7, 2009. Losing a pound a week should get me there. That is doable - even if I personally have never done it. I am strong. Stronger than before!

I have more to say but it'll have to wait for another post. Remind me if I get distracted by something shiny and forget to post it - I have more treasure in the form of some long lost pictures. Peace out y'all!


*Like hearing "voices" isn't the textbook definition of crazy?

What's A Few Weeks Among Friends?

Sorry I haven't been blogging! We had so many damn wonderful holidays to celebrate that I got derailed from blogging practice. It's no excuse - especially when some folks out there are faithfully blogging despite being ice bound, without power, or on safari in Africa. But here is a photo recap of all the fabulosity that happened in 3-D:

First there was Cookie Making Day (yummy!):


Then there was Christmas which we celebrated on December 30th when we finally managed to get all eight of us at home together. Sometimes our family logistics are best displayed as a Venn diagram. You'll note that I am not displaying a picture of all five kids here - just the tree. Seems they feel I tortured them enough at Thanksgiving taking their pictures - so you'll just have to take my word for it - they were there:


Then Donna and I celebrated our anniversary and because I am soooo romantic, I gave her a hammer. (What, you didn't know there was a tool anniversary? It's right after the tin anniversary and somewhat before the silver and golden ones.) 'Cause nothing says "I love you" better than a Miami Dolphins hammer:

Then there was New Year's. We celebrated by going to a friend's bonfire and getting back home just in time to watch the ball drop:

Then there was a 40th birthday to celebrate!! Here is the birthday girl showing off her dancing shoes:We took all of the furniture out of our living room and turned it into a dance floor. Here John and our buddy Rob are mounting the disco lights and fog machine for the dance party:

The gal on the right is LaShawn - our hip hop dance instructor for the night. Aside from being smokin' hot, she is an AMAZING dancer. I think she was amused to be trying to get a bunch of stiff, old people to bend their knees, lean, jump, and clap with any sort of rhythm.
However, after the third Mojito break, everyone was dancing up a storm. I think we probably had about 50 people at the party and 20 or more on the dance floor at any one time, but it was hard to get a picture to show the whole crowd:


Lest you worry about all those poor, intoxicated, worn out party-goers of ours - we had quite the food spread to bolster their flagging energies:

At 2 am though, I think the bolstering was completely over for at least one guy:
It was a great party and I think the Birthday Girl had a fabulous time. The next day (her actual birthday) she got to wear her new Miami Dolphins jersey and watch her team play in the playoffs. It's been a LONG time since she's gotten to do that - as Miami hasn't been a playoff contender in years and years. (I was too tired to remember to take a picture of her so you'll have to use your imagination.) And finally I'll leave you with this photo of our middle son's new smile:

Iain (conveniently located in the middle of the picture) got braces and now smiles without showing his teeth (a trick he must have learned from his buddy Justin on the left, who also has braces - and his Uncle Duncan, who makes it look cool.)

In training news - I have goals and resolutions and plans! And news: I have lost 3 pounds since Jan 1st. (Yay me!) I am still on Week 3 of the pushup challenge (for like the sixth week!) But details will have to wait until tomorrow. Right now I must go try out my new Spinerval DVD.

Guess What We Just Registered For?!

So excited! So nervous! There is a part of me that cannot believe I've registered for my first half iron distance triathlon on a day that I couldn't possibly run a mile. (I did do my push ups though.) I am sick and my chest feels hollow and yucky, but I have to believe that I have plenty of time to get well and train. Eleven months. That's doable. It damn well better be!

Homecoming Drama

We have fantastic floor to ceiling windows in our living room. They're original to the house which was built in the 50's. They provide great natural light and a wonderful view of the squirrels in the yard. What is not so wonderful about these vintage windows is that when your slightly crazy dog tries to run at top speed through them (thinking they are open), they do not break into tempered, round, safe little bits like modern windows. Oh no. Instead, they crack and shatter and slice your poor puppy's face and paws. Wasabi is somewhat woeful right now but in a few weeks should only have some shaved spots and a Harry Potter scar to show for his misadventures. We're giving him lots of chin scratches, calling him Frankenpuppy, and trying not to think about how much worse it could have been.

In training news - the Madonna concert was incredibly inspiring. I love her music because it speaks to so many places I've been, but more than that. Madonna herself speaks to me. I admire and am inspired by her outspokenness, her ability to reinvent herself, her dedication to what she thinks is important, and last but so not least - her physique. Damn, she is hot! Her arms are chiseled, her thighs sculpted - she is so strong! She is ten years older than I am and in better shape than I have ever been in. Of course I haven't spent the last twenty-five years eating well, working out, and dancing eight hours a day. But I am ready to start now! Well, maybe not the dancing eight hours a day part. I'm thinking maybe 45 minutes a day might be enough to start with. Yes - I am all fired up to add Dance Cardio to the off season workout routine. (Remember the part where I think 50 degrees is too cold to run? Yeah. Clearly I'm gonna have to replace running with something indoors-y if I want to maintain any kind of aerobic base.) I'll let you know how it goes once I master all the moves but until then, you'll be on the money if you imagine the whitest girl you can flailing enthusiastically and arhythmically around her living room. Woo hoo!

And finally - push ups - Week 1 (for the second time): raging success. If I can do push ups when I'm hungover and do them well, then I know I'm going to finish this challenge with flying colors! Yay me!

Ups And Downs

Hey sportsfans - I have about one smidgin of energy/patience with which to blog but I had to jump in and say, for the love of heaven do not go out and buy either that skirt or that hydration pack based solely on my overly optimistic preview. (Although in the interest of fairness and full disclosure, I have been about as much fun as a porcupine on crack the last two days so I'm not posting my actual review until I've had a chance to discern where in lies the blame - with the gear or with my hormones.)

In news related to training numbers - I managed to get in both of my 4.5 mile runs and a hard swim despite a totally BOHICA week. (Seriously, crazy people make my head want to explode.) In non-training numbers related news, yesterday was our anniversary. (Luckily, I have the most perfect partners. Without them in my life, you might have seen me on the evening news. Without a head.)

Racers - I can't remember if there's anyone I know racing this weekend! (Seems everyone and their dog raced last weekend.) But if you're racing, good luck! Everyone else, enjoy your long rides and runs. Can't wait to hear about 'em.

Monday Is The New Sunday

I waited to post today until I caught up on everyone's race reports. It was a fantastic day at the races for bloggy peeps! I know I've commented individually, but I want y'all to know as a whole how inspiring and exciting you are. Thank you for generously sharing your race wisdom, technical tips, and enthusiasm for this sport. It rocks my socks.

A few things I've done since the last post:
I spent some quality time with my boyos. I've been trying to figure out my way around using their names - but still talking about them. I've decided for the purposes of Stronger Than Before to call them by the Scottish names I would have given them if they hadn't had a remarkably French (and difficult) last name. (We went with easy family first names in real life.) Also the boy in the very center of the picture below is (let's call him) Tyler. He's an almost son - one of two boys who have been best buds with my guys since they were wee sma. Sheumais is my newly 16 year-old redhead on the left. (Remember him? The one I struggle to take a "decent" picture of? He's my own personal Calvin - in more ways than one.) Angus is my rising fourth grader in the green shirt in front. He's learned how to ham it up too. Iain is my very social almost 14 year old over on the right. They are so different from each other and yet very close and caring as brothers. God, I love spending time with my kids! I have to pay close attention to make sure I give them enough space and time to hang out without me. Even though it's "my" time and I feel glommy wanting to squeeze them and hold them close - it's really "their" time and they need time with mama close by but not all up in their business. Sigh. No one ever promised that parenting would be easy.

I took Sheumais to get his ear re-pierced. He had it done for his birthday last year but didn't take care of it at camp and also messed it up pretty bad wrestling with Tyler. He had to take it out and let it heal for a full year before he could get it done again. I told him from the beginning that I'd only sponsor one piercing - ever. He was angry and upset last year when he had to take it out. We ended up compromising on the "ever" part. I let him get the same piercing a second time but he had to wait the entire year and pay for the re-pierce ($75), not to mention promise to take exceptional care of it this time.
He looks a little groggy in this picture. I don't know if it's from trying not to show any pain or if it's from how cute the piercer is. (She's completely great. If you're in the Nashville area and need a piercer, write me and I'll send you her info. I completely trust her - obviously as I let her stick a very sharp object through the body of my baby.)

I got to Nashville early in the morning and couldn't pick up the boys until the late afternoon so my mother and I pampered ourselves with pedicures and gabbed a mile a minute. She is terribly camera shy! If you saw a picture of her, you'd see where my son gets his red hair. The pedicure felt great and the blue polish makes me smile when I see my feet. I love my feet because they so rarely give me any trouble, but don't you think feet in general are weird looking? (Seriously, I can't look at my toes for very long before wondering if I'm a mutant because my toes start looking so strange to me. They're like wiggly little stumps on the blobs that are my feet.)
And talking about feet brings us to running. (What's that? Finally, you say?) After getting up at 4 am on Friday to fly, I stayed up until midnight with my kids. I do not function well on long days and short sleep! Accordingly, I planned from the start to wait and run on Sunday morning. Wouldn't you know it - Saturday night a massive storm with thunder and lightning moved in. Drat! But it was raining so hard that I was sure it would wear itself out before my early morning run. No such luck. It was still raining BUCKETS. It finally let up mid-day but I had plans with my boyos. No room for an almost 2 hour run! Reluctantly I put my running gear back in my suitcase. Hence my lack of pictures of Old Hickory Lake to show off! (Our 10 mile run in two weeks will be another Nashville weekend, so maybe then!)

Last time my weekend run got rained out in Nashvegas (two weeks ago), I ended up not being able to catch up and work my long run in on Monday. This week I was DETERMINED to get it in, even if it crowds my two "short" runs this week (both 4.5 miles). And look! I did it! Yay me! I ran EIGHT miles today. (For those of you keeping score at home, this is now the furthest I have ever run by myself!) Now, my overall time isn't super and my average pace is much slower than my last few runs. I started to get down on myself about this during the run, but I reeled it in. Hard. My goal is to stay healthy, log the training miles, and finish the race. No speed goals! (Well, other than to finish the race before they close the course!) Today, I had ITB issues again (which serves me right since I haven't stretched or rollered in a week). In both miles 5 and 6, I got caught at l-o-n-g stoplights (so I stretched), but look at my last two miles. The two fastest on the day. (As if I needed another indicator that stretching works for me!) I've iced and rollered this afternoon. I hope I can soothe my ITB and get back to pain free runs. Still, I was mighty pleased with myself. At the end I caught myself thinking, "Only five more miles and I would have finished the half marathon." I smiled. And then I thought, "Holy crap! Did I just put the word "only" before the phrase "five more miles" and smile? Me? Willie will be so proud."

I celebrated by spending some birthday money my mother gave me for training gear. Tomorrow you're in for some gear review and thoughts on the great gel experiment. Tonight it's more ice and sleep for me.

There's Fuel And Then There's Fool

(<--Isn't this fun? It's like a bowl of tri peeps party favors. I got tired of having to sort through boxes and bags in the pantry so now we just keep our weird training snacks on the counter. It's unusually colorful right now because we're trying out every brand of gel we can get our hands on.)

Despite having access to plenty of healthier options, I ate the WORST crap yesterday. My poor body. One package of shot bloks got me through my swim but by the time I got to my bike ride, the Pringles for breakfast and the ICEE for lunch were coming back to haunt me. Good thing I was inside on the trainer and thus could hurl in the privacy of my own home. Gah. You know how you can't complain when you are hung way the hell over because you totally did it to yourself and deserve the misery? Yeah, it was like that. Only without the woo hoo of the alcohol buzz first. I was much smarter today (which, obviously, wasn't hard.) I had nutritious (real) food for breakfast (early), drank plenty of water, and then had a GU (vanilla bean - which is like vanilla for people who really like chocolate better) right before my four mile run. And get this! (For all you fasties - you can skip this part or you can read it with the knowledge that my time for Tuesday's same run was 3 full minutes slower!) My time was 47:40!!! That is a sub 12-minute mile average even though my first two were 12:15 and 12:12 respectively. Negative split! I haven't done that in a while. I wish I could say that I felt great on that run, like I was soaring. I wasn't. I was plodding... quickly. Nothing hurt though - no ITB issues, no achilles twinges. No pain and a faster than usual pace in drippy, soggy humidity? It goes down as a great run in my book even if it didn't feel like it at the time!

Now we'll see how the 8 mile run (alone since I'll be in Nashville seeing my children again) goes this weekend. I'm a little nervous about it but I think I've got a route figured out around Old Hickory Lake. I've even thought about how to leave myself a bottle of water and a gel at two strategic points along the route. It had better not rain on me and mess up my plans again! (I know I should not complain about rain given the insane drought conditions we have had, but dang, I'm tired of thunder storms!)

Digital shouts and virtual good luck hugs to the bazillions of you who are racing this weekend!!

Manic Monday

Since we last blogged -

• There have been several WICKED storms in Chapel Hill. We lost power for part of two different days. And we lost a tree.
  
• We missed seeing Venus win Wimbledon (see above item) and we about missed a dinner party (not to mention almost having coronaries) watching Rafa beat Roger (finally!). God I LOVE tennis.
• I ran 7 (SEVEN!!) miles by myself. Walk breaks only for water and shot bloks and I maintained a 12:30 pace! Woo hoo! I've never run that far before. I had 14 miles for the week. Me! Running fourteen miles in one week.
  
• We are in the middle of an ELABORATE birthday celebration for John - with secret agent identities, missions, clues and maps and all kinds of fun.
  

Pictures to follow!