In Which I Inhale Ants (Again)

It's that time of year again. I braved the morning downpour to snip this lovely for my desk. I think I'm addicted to the scent of peony. Can't. stop. sniffing. it.

In other news...I rocked my bike trainer workout Tuesday (after reading Iron Snoopy's inspiring IMKY race report) and then totally bailed on last night's swim. To be honest - I'm not worried about the swim. I love water - and being in water - especially the ocean is what makes me feel most at home. The swim part of the race being in the Intracoastal Waterway is interesting and a totally new experience for me but still...not stressing about the swim. (Yet.) This week, I realized I needed to pick my battles. Letting myself off the hook for a swim workout makes it practically impossible to skimp on any of my other (i.e. bike and run) workouts this week. Which is good. Because I'm stressing pretty hard about being a fast enough cyclist and strong enough runner. Hoolies - the B2B is 6 months from today!! And we have a road race this weekend. A 10K. I've never done a stand alone 10K race before. I've probably only run 10K in about a dozen training runs in my life. Granted, I do have an Oly tri and two half marathons under my belt in addition to those dozen 10K (ish) training runs. Why doesn't that give me more confidence?? Good news is it'll be a PR, right?

We have speedwork on the plan for tonight with upper body lifting and core work for tomorrow. AND Donna found an awesome women's trail running group called Team Sakina that we're going to join tonight! I am super excited about that.

Finally - I'm celebrating the scale numbers! I'm jumping the gun a bit since my monthly weigh in doesn't happen until tomorrow (the 8th) but I don't care. My weekly date with the bathroom scale is on Thursdays and as of this morning I've lost a total of 17.4 pounds (since Jan 8th)!! Woo hoo and YAY ME! (Only 22.6 more to go on or before November 7th - and to keep it all off for the rest of my life.) I feel great; my workouts are strong (well - except for the very, very few that I blow off!); and I'm eating a ton of yummy food. I'm not sure it can get better than this. I love my life. LOVE IT!

TODAY I LOVE: my life (did I mention that?) and peonies!

Spring Break!

I'm missing the blogworld! I'm sorry I haven't had time to do more than skim last weekend's race reports. (Do you know how amazing my racing blog buddies are? Oh, wait - you probably do because it's freaking WEDNESDAY (nay - almost Thursday!) already and half of you have probably moved on to prepping for THIS weekend's races. Ay yi yi!) I promise I'll (try very hard to) catch up on my commenting one day (soon). John is crazy busy at his new job (and LOVING it); Donna is on Spring Break (and getting some desperately needed rejuve time away from her students); and my boys are here (which means I am squeezing them incesssantly and watching movies like Bolt and Clerks and finding out that Green Day is making a musical and U2 is on tour and ...). It's awesome. In between all of this I've managed to train, have my first mammogram (not bad at all!), and find both a new running store and chiropractor. And finally - I have to mention that January 8th was the day I made a commitment and a plan to lose this weight. Today - April 8th - the scale is down twelve pounds (12.2 in point of fact). Yay!

Home Alone

For the first time in a long time I am home alone. (Or at least - I'm the sole human. I have plenty of crazed, furry company in the form of two squirrel-mad dogs.) Today is John's first day of work! Yay! It's so exciting.

In training news - I did in fact go for that run (with Donna) last week in the rain for track drills and then 40 minutes at Zone 2. I think we were supposed to do 15' at Zone 1, but as I've said before, I don't have a Zone 1 run (yet). If I slow down enough to stay below Zone 2, then it's a walk. Sigh. I hope as I build up aerobically and drop weight that I'll end up having a Zone 1 run. Then, in an exciting development, our next run was a 4 mile run which I kicked ass on. We have a trail close by that's a flat 3 miles. To get in the extra mile we ran there and back home again which we don't usually do because from the trail to our house is STRAIGHT UPHILL. But we did it - and even with the hill, I had the fastest pace on any run since the triathlon last year. Woo hoo! (Of course it hurt and was hard and I wanted to stop pretty much every step - but I did it anyway!) Total "yay me" moment. We had a swim over the weekend with the main set being 50's at Zone 3 then Zone 2. It was bizarre how consistent I was. In Zone 3 my times were :44, :45, :44, :45, :44, :45 and my Zone 2 50's were all :47 with two of them being the exact same to the millisecond (or whatever that next smaller number is called.) I am enjoying the swim workouts right now. Oh - but someone please answer me this - what exactly is the point of doing a kick drill with fins on? (The lady in the lane next to me freaked me out by lapping me on the kickboard until I realized she had some help of the blue plasticy kind.) I don't really understand the point of fins in the pool. They make a TON of sense to me in the ocean when you're snorkeling and want to be able to stay out longer and move faster with less energy expended - but in the workout pool?

In nutrition news - I am a wack job. I'm totally turning into one of those health nuts. I'm seriously considering doing this six week vegetarian food plan. The hardest thing for me is that I don't like beans. At all. Or tomatoes. They totally (and completely!) squick me out. Legumes. I don't even like that word. It sounds ridiculous. Like there was once a contest to find the word that sounded the dorkiest when you said it and that's the word that won - legumes. Still - the more studies I read, the more I learn about nutrition, the more I think I have to go gonzo on the fruits and vegetables (and legumes) and step away from the animal products. I can eliminate meat with very little problem. Probably won't even notice that part. It's the cheese that I love with all my heart and every fiber of my (chubby) being. But I am committed and serious and focused about finally (finally, finally) losing this weight! I want to be my right size when I toe the line in November. Eating healthy food is so much EASIER than working out with all these extra pounds on me. If someone said - you can keep eating all the stuff you like right now, but you have to wear this 40lb rucksack for every workout from now until November - I would absolutely say forget it, skip the anchor - hand me the health food. The Zone Diet has been a great start for me but I need ... more. Nutritionally dense food - here I come! Do you think giving up cheese will be as hard as giving up caffeine? ('Cause that took me like two years - and I only have seven months!) Wish me well.

I'm sorry I haven't been by to visit/comment much since last week. I'll try to catch up soon - but today is another four mile run and upper body weight training. Tomorrow, pals.

TODAY I LOVE: learning about nutrition

A Little Whine, A Bit Of Cheese, And A Spot of Yay Me!

Once again with moving the training schedule around! The plan called for a run today. Three inches of snow yesterday and today being a high of 20-something - uh, no. I don't own or have access to a treadmill - so another uh, no. Bike trainer it is! On the upside, Thursday (the day that was supposed to be a bike trainer day) is supposed to be beautiful and warm. Total win-win situation to flip those two workouts, I think.
On the downside is the fact that the trainer ride called for ILT. Have you done that?! Jeez oh Pete it's hard!! (The instructions say to put your resting leg on a chair but I thought it was easier to put my foot on the piece of the trainer that sticks out in the back. That kept my leg out of the way of the pedal and didn't seem to change the angle of my hips/leg as much as when I put it out to the front/side on a chair. Any reason anyone can see not to do it this way?)

But back to how surprisingly hard ILT was for me. It took me a few attempts to even get my right leg all the way around in one circle. It was nothing approaching the smooth action of those pistons on locomotives! I had to seriously gear down to be able to make one circuit and then I concentrated so hard on making smooth circles that I thought I was going to burst something. I assumed my left leg would be even worse (because I am right handed) but it wasn't! It was MUCH easier, much more balanced on my left side. On the right side I have a strong push and almost zero pull up to get back around. On the left side I have about the same amount of both. I have no idea if that's because my left leg is weaker all the way around but more in synch with itself or if the muscles responsible for lifting up on the right leg are the weak spot in the whole picture. (I have a marked difference between the two sides doing pigeon pose in yoga. I need a bolster when my right leg is forward and I'm perfectly positioned and able to stretch out when my left leg is forward. Does anyone else have that big of a difference between their two sides - or am I a total freak?)

I've been a little up and down with food recently. I love the Zone. It completely works for me. I feel nourished and usually not hungry. So after losing almost nine pounds, it freaked me out to gain three of them back in two days (with no hormonal or food explanation) and have them stick around with no sign of budging for a week. I got a little discouraged which led to some emotional eating. And then I had some (more) grief in the contentious co-parenting realm with my ex. And that led to some (more) emotional eating. The out of zone eating happened several times and was more limited/healthier than any "bingeing" I've ever done in my life. And I was very aware that that was what was going on. (Which may sound weird but paying attention is a big, healthy, and relatively recent step for me.) I was aware that the bowl of mac n' cheese I was savoring was not in the Zone. I could not bring myself to care for a few days. Strangely, the minute I started saying my affirmations about releasing the struggle, about letting go of my grief, about being my goal weight, about being strong and faithful - the scale started skooching it's way down again. THAT gave me energy to get completely back in the Zone.

I am progressing towards my goals - physical, emotional, and spiritual - still by fits and starts, but also in noticeably smoother cycles. It's like ILT for my whole entire being. I may whine about how haaaaarrrrd it is sometimes, but I'm so grateful for the chance and ability to do it - and so lucky to have the love and support that I do. Yay!

TODAY I LOVE: (in addition to all that stuff I just said up above!) the tiny little plate shaped like a carrot my mother gave me a few years ago. (I've just gotten it out again and it's made me smile at least three times today!)

Day One In The Books - Day Two Off To A Shifty Start

Thanks for all the help with the drills! They're on the schedule for Saturday - followed by a three mile run. I'll let you know how they go.

Quick report on our first day of HIM training. Strangely it was neither a swim, bike, nor run workout. It was a strength session. But that totally works for me, as that's what I've been loving the most in this off season. So here's what we did:

Warm up with three sets of these: (When we first started doing these, Donna couldn't remember this guy's name except that it had to do with vegetables. Now we call these Veggie Tales Torture Sets.)


Then our Upper Body dumbbell exercise routine. We have two versions that work slightly different angles of the muscles but the order goes back, chest, shoulders, biceps, triceps. The first two weeks are lower weight, 20 reps, 2 sets. (The next two weeks are higher weight, 15 reps, 3 sets - and done in supersets where you work opposing muscle groups one right after the other as a set instead of resting in between each exercise.) I think I've said it before but I really like The Body Sculpting Bible for Women. (There's a men's version too). There are descriptions of technique and form, understandable explanations about muscle groups, and lots of photographs. (My only complaint about the book would be that the diet information in there is hopeless. The nutrition advice seems solid but the "14-day" diet plan is ridiculous unless you think 14 days of protein shakes, dry chicken breast, green beans, and brown rice is for you. Good thing I bought it for the weight training information! And I should mention I have the 2001 version. Maybe the revised edition is better in the food plan department.)

Then our new core routine called Around The World, from Beginner Triathlete. Cripes, that was hard!! Clearly my core, she needs some work!

Foam rollering ('cause I needed more pain) and Sage's yoga stretches for cool down. I remembered my recovery drink and logged the workout immediately. Total success!

Day Two? Not quite the slam dunk. It's "pretty" here in that it's sunny. But it's cold and windy and tomorrow is supposed to be twenty degrees warmer and still sunny. I don't think there is any way I can make myself run today and swim tomorrow with the weather forecast like that. I'm about to flip flop the two. My rule-following self is frankly horrified and snarky with internal monologue along the lines of, "Couldn't get through the first two days without wimping out?! WTF, ^^? Can't you stick to ANYTHING?!" but my unconventional, rugged-individualist side is all "Yay! Play in the water today and run in the sun tomorrow! Why the fuck not?!" Day Two and the mental landscape is looking familiar. Sigh. At least the physical landscape is changing. The weight, she is leaving slowly but surely and the muscles are sore and happy. How is everyone else this fine day?

TODAY I LOVE (and I'm loving extra today since I forgot to love anything for two whole posts!):
My godson Zevon who's been on this planet 3 years now!! (Wow!)
My half iron training plan that's going to take me where I want to go.
And the complicated forces at work inside of me.

A PSA And Total Randomness

PSA:
The weather was in the 20's for most of today but is expected to be beautiful and up in the 60's this weekend. Woo hoo!!! I now officially have my heart SET on a long run. Weather man - do not let me down or I may have to march down to your little studio and go postal on you.

Randomness:
John has a big interview tomorrow! It will be the third round of interviews for this position. It's with a company he would LOVE to work for. The suit is pressed, the hair is cut, the interview questions are practiced, and the tie is picked out - he is so ready for this. If When he gets over this hurdle, they will assign him a topic to prepare a presentation on for the fourth (and final!) interview. This sounds dreadful to me but he is stoked - STOKED - about that part. Good thing he's the one interviewing and not me. Any good mojo you have lying around that you don't need tomorrow - send it on up this way!!

I had a great upper body & core workout that, get this, I designed myself using information from The Body Sculpting Bible For Women, Sculpting Her Body Perfect, and Peak Fitness For Women by Paula Newby-Fraser. I completely enjoyed the process of putting it together and then trying it out. Dumbbell and body weight exercises are challenging but feel so right to me. Corny sounding or not, the only word I have for it is that my muscles sing when I lift weights the right way. I am relearning that weight training is one of my things. I am slow. (When have you known me to be otherwise?!!) I am steady and consistent. I'm working on my form, on visualizing the muscle that's working, and on being aware of my body overall in a new way. It is difficult and exciting!! Look at me - using those two adjectives (difficult! exciting!) together. That, my friends, is growth.

Why oh why oh why is it that I lose weight two-tenths of a pound at a time, but when I gain it, I gain it a pound and a half at a time?! (I realize that this is not a new lament but it is such a frustration to me! Note to self - those tortilla chips you ate last night were so not worth it! A stomach ache and a giant uptick on the scale? Bleck. Back, back, back in the Zone!!)

Donna and I want to have a hedgehog someday. We already have a name picked out for our someday hedgehog. We picked it four years ago. You'd think we would have mentioned the whole hedgehog idea to John, maybe even have gotten his feedback. But I just realized (as I wondered where my yoga pants are) that I don't think we've ever talked to him about it. My brain? A little random at times.


TODAY I LOVE: my purple weight bench and dumbbells

Mixed Bag

Thank you for the well wishes about the medical and job stuff. I wish I had a good return report on either or both for you.

The doctor* visit was less than super although I'm proud of myself for getting there with less stress than normal. (That exercise thing? Good plan!) My blood work came back with great numbers. Yay! No anemia - which I've had to deal with before and no thyroid issue which she was worried about. Until she said the test ruled that out, I didn't know they used blood tests for that. However, the radiology was "inconclusive" meaning I now have to go to a specialist to re-interpret what little they did see or to have more tests/procedures done. Joy!

Yet, before I got a chance to schedule those glorious new experiments in stress, I got a reprieve. Of the worst kind. I can't make those appointments because we no longer have insurance to cover them. John's company did in fact fold.** We are madly scrambling to be sure we have enough for the basics (shelter, food, electricity). We will have to forgo the luxuries like new running shoes and medical specialists until good things happen on the job front. (Cross fingers for us that the 3rd and 4th round interviews John has go well!)

On the training and goal meeting front:
I just looked at my January totals. They are untidy as I've done bits of everything here and there - pilates, walking, pushups, cardio dance etc. They are also - all things considered - much lower than I'd hoped/expected. They'd be great numbers if they were totals for a week instead of a month (in the same way that I'd be the perfect weight if I were 6 feet tall.) Seriously, having run yesterday and today, I've almost caught up to January's total mileage. The "official" training plan starts on Feb 23rd. I need to spend the next few weeks ramping up to at least the right amount of training time - even if I still do fun, off season workouts instead of the holy three. I need to have confidence and feel trained as much as I need to actually be trained by race day. The way to do that is to hit those numbers each week. Every week. That's what I'm going to concentrate on in February.

The January scale report is good news! I've lost 4.2 pounds since January 8th. That's exactly what I wanted to do. My goal is to keep losing a pound (to a pound and a half) a week. Every week. And to do it the healthy way by fueling and nourishing my body - not by stressing the pounds off in the short term!

With that, my friends, I'm off like a herd of turtles. Pat Summit is going for her 1,000th win tonight against Oklahoma. Go Vols!

PS'es:
*She's actually a nurse practitioner. Have I said that before? I haven't even laid eyes on the doctor in the practice, though I assured there is one. Somewhere.
**Or as close as makes no nevermind for us. They might possibly be able to resume development of their product in a few months and they'd love to have him work on it. In the meantime - no cashola. None.
***I can't believe how many of you have no interest in the Super Bowl, much less football! I'm grieving today over the upcoming lack of football. The game last night was GREAT! Everything you could ask for (and don't usually get) in a Super Bowl but it means no more football until September. I love that football has a definite season. I'm still sad, sad, sad that it's over already.

Stronger All Around

Until our "official" training plan kicks in mid-March, we have target workout amounts rather than sport specific workouts. Donna is much better about hitting her target than I am. But I'm getting there. Today I stretched myself and managed to learn the next combination in our Dance Cardio routine. I lengthened my workout time and pushed that emotional/mental anxiety barrier by trying something new and complicated. Stronger than before!

I've had a lot of sassy, negative voices in my head since the new year began. I meant to defang them earlier by talking about them, but there's been so much else going on that I slipped back into the old pattern of being "fine" on the outside while they gnaw on me on the inside. No more! It may be cliche and unimaginative to resolve to lose weight starting January first but really, I resolved last February to lose 40 lbs. (<--Which more or less didn't happen - I lost a few pounds but right after the Pacific Grove triathlon they found their way back home and brought a few friends along.) Then I re-resolved to lose these pounds on December 8th and it took me a couple of weeks of fixing to get ready to get started before I had a workable plan. That's when the voices kicked in - whispering insidiously, "You didn't make it happen last year, what makes you think you can do it this year?" They warn me not to tell too many people about this pie in the sky goal lest I be embarrassed on top of being disappointed when I don't reach my goal. The voices wonder if talking about my weight will cause other people to pay closer attention to my size and shape. Whisper, nag, undercut, cackle, mutter - the voices have not shut up since I started articulating my weight goal. STUPID FUCKERS!! I hate those voices. I hate them because they are right in a way - I don't want to be embarrassed on top of being disappointed; I don't want anyone looking more closely at me right now. Hell - I don't want to look more closely at myself because it gives those voices that much more ammo. However - I want this. I want to be lean and athletic. I need less padding and more strength to do what I want to do in this world. Another thing the voices don't want me to say out loud (lest I sound fruity and new agey and I don't know, crazy*) is that I had a dream on January 8th from which I woke up absolutely believing I can do it this year. It was a rock solid feeling. It was all me believing in myself without any doubts. No doubts about my ability to achieve my aim, no doubts about the hard work it will take to get there, no doubts about why I want what I want - no doubts at all. It was such a strong feeling that it lasted most of the day where other feelings left from dreams evaporate before the teeth can even get brushed. The voices were practically silent for the rest of the week. Of course they've come back but I am sick of them! I don't think I'll have another dream to help me fight them off again so I'm pushing back the only other way I know how:

I'm putting it out there - I intend to weigh 127 lbs on or before November 7, 2009. Losing a pound a week should get me there. That is doable - even if I personally have never done it. I am strong. Stronger than before!

I have more to say but it'll have to wait for another post. Remind me if I get distracted by something shiny and forget to post it - I have more treasure in the form of some long lost pictures. Peace out y'all!


*Like hearing "voices" isn't the textbook definition of crazy?

What's A Few Weeks Among Friends?

Sorry I haven't been blogging! We had so many damn wonderful holidays to celebrate that I got derailed from blogging practice. It's no excuse - especially when some folks out there are faithfully blogging despite being ice bound, without power, or on safari in Africa. But here is a photo recap of all the fabulosity that happened in 3-D:

First there was Cookie Making Day (yummy!):


Then there was Christmas which we celebrated on December 30th when we finally managed to get all eight of us at home together. Sometimes our family logistics are best displayed as a Venn diagram. You'll note that I am not displaying a picture of all five kids here - just the tree. Seems they feel I tortured them enough at Thanksgiving taking their pictures - so you'll just have to take my word for it - they were there:


Then Donna and I celebrated our anniversary and because I am soooo romantic, I gave her a hammer. (What, you didn't know there was a tool anniversary? It's right after the tin anniversary and somewhat before the silver and golden ones.) 'Cause nothing says "I love you" better than a Miami Dolphins hammer:

Then there was New Year's. We celebrated by going to a friend's bonfire and getting back home just in time to watch the ball drop:

Then there was a 40th birthday to celebrate!! Here is the birthday girl showing off her dancing shoes:We took all of the furniture out of our living room and turned it into a dance floor. Here John and our buddy Rob are mounting the disco lights and fog machine for the dance party:

The gal on the right is LaShawn - our hip hop dance instructor for the night. Aside from being smokin' hot, she is an AMAZING dancer. I think she was amused to be trying to get a bunch of stiff, old people to bend their knees, lean, jump, and clap with any sort of rhythm.
However, after the third Mojito break, everyone was dancing up a storm. I think we probably had about 50 people at the party and 20 or more on the dance floor at any one time, but it was hard to get a picture to show the whole crowd:


Lest you worry about all those poor, intoxicated, worn out party-goers of ours - we had quite the food spread to bolster their flagging energies:

At 2 am though, I think the bolstering was completely over for at least one guy:
It was a great party and I think the Birthday Girl had a fabulous time. The next day (her actual birthday) she got to wear her new Miami Dolphins jersey and watch her team play in the playoffs. It's been a LONG time since she's gotten to do that - as Miami hasn't been a playoff contender in years and years. (I was too tired to remember to take a picture of her so you'll have to use your imagination.) And finally I'll leave you with this photo of our middle son's new smile:

Iain (conveniently located in the middle of the picture) got braces and now smiles without showing his teeth (a trick he must have learned from his buddy Justin on the left, who also has braces - and his Uncle Duncan, who makes it look cool.)

In training news - I have goals and resolutions and plans! And news: I have lost 3 pounds since Jan 1st. (Yay me!) I am still on Week 3 of the pushup challenge (for like the sixth week!) But details will have to wait until tomorrow. Right now I must go try out my new Spinerval DVD.

Organized Randomness

Hope all the dad's out there had a fantastic Father's Day! We had an early celebration last weekend (as I believe I mentioned) and then another, smaller celebration yesterday. John is one celebrated Dad! The picture is from the first celebration with everyone here. I'd post a picture of the second go 'round (Mexican food! Margaritas! Lots of laughter!) but my camera battery died before the fun could be memorialized. I got a chance to talk to my dad on the phone. He's not much of a chatter box, so if you call for no reason he totally doesn't understand it. Thanks Hallmark for making up a holiday so I can talk to my dad!! (I have a post started about my dad. Hope you get to see it someday. My dad rocks. Even though he doesn't like to talk on the phone.)

We are practically kid-less. Only two left at home for now. On July 1st we'll be down to one. The quiet one, at that! You would think that would mean I had more time to blog, wouldn't you? Not so much. John is working from home and Donna (hallelujah) is done teaching and home for the summer. Turns out they are fun people out with whom I like to hang.

Independence Weight Loss Challenge: woo hoo! I lost just enough to be back down to my starting weight. Two weeks (half of the one month challenge!) and I'm breaking even. :-S I truly had to force myself to email that I'd gained weight the first week. I was hoping to lose enough to be down - even if it was only two-tenths of a pound! - below my starting weight, but nope. I had to force myself to email that in too. But I realized something positive. The person I used to be would be so embarrassed that she wouldn't have emailed "bad" results. The person I used to be wouldn't continue with the second half of the challenge if she'd messed up the first bit. That horrid streak of perfectionism would have made her wait until she could start "fresh" on some other challenge. I decided that the challenge was a good start but I needed to get some tools in place to get me going - even two weeks late! I had been thinking about joining Weight Watchers. I know lots of people have had success with the online WW. I kept putting it off waiting for things to settle down with the kids, waiting to have the "extra" money - and it just wasn't happening. I decided that I needed to do something free. Food is an issue for me (5 years of anorexia/bulimia and 20 years recovering from it will do that to you) so I haven't counted calories in a looooooonnnnng time. I used to be so punitive with myself that it was an emotionally dangerous thing to do to focus on restrictive numbers. I thought about how changed I am now (e.g. being able to send the "Hey did you say weight "loss" 'cause I think my body heard weight "gain" email).

So guess what I did? I went and signed up for The Daily Plate. For anyone who doesn't know - it's a free (love that word so I'll say it again - free!) calorie counter/tracker/networking online gizmo (<--the highly technical term). It is EASY PEASY to input the foods you ate. You can create your own "meals" of foods that you eat often so it's even easier. You can get calorie "credit" for your workouts by logging them too. I LOVE it. It's exactly the right mix of clear tracking, good information, and fun (like the slider to fill the glass as you track your water or the reward sticker "badges" you earn)! It is sooo working for me. It feels like it suits me for food the way Workout Log suits me for training. I did flounder around looking at lots of online programs like Extra Pounds and PeerTrainer. I think TDP is for me, but I'd welcome any feedback or ideas! I'm looking forward to next Sunday's weigh in!

Slipping in the training info at the very end (so as not to have to put the NTR warning in the title - slick!) I swam Saturday, ran (HILLS) yesterday, did a BRICK today. In the heat. Good., yes. Strong, yes. Fun, no. For fun, you'll have to check out two of my bloggy peeps. If you haven't already seen - both RBR and Stef have amazing posts up about their race weekends. Before this becomes a nominee in the "Epic Length Post" category, I'll end on that note with the promise (or threat) to tell you more of my run stuff tomorrow. Peace my friends!

M&M's: The Original Stresstabs

I signed up for the online, month long Independence Weight Loss challenge and promptly gained weight. *Insert serious grumpy face here!* That was not exactly part of my plan. You know, my plan - the one that includes making healthy food choices, doing all the scheduled workouts, and getting enough rest? Yeah. Part of that plan was losing weight.

Turns out though, I'm not following that plan. I had a whole other plan up my sleeve - a stealth plan as it were. Who knew? This plan has surprise components like being to "busy" to workout and forgetting to eat entirely one day only to morph into cookie monster and snack the night away. You'd think I'd notice such a radical departure from the original plan but there you'd be misguided about what the word "original" means. The stealth plan is my original plan - one I've spent years following. It's so comfortable, so easy to slip back into - just like that favorite pair of comfy jeans. (The ones splitting at the thigh seams? Yeah, those.) The new plan - the skinny jeans plan - that plan still takes gobs of focus to accomplish. Which is unfortunate. The ability to pay attention to my plan is about the only thing I've lost this week!

I'm not claiming to have pioneered new territory here. Falling off the diet wagon during times of stress is an ancient tradition. Eve probably processed her thoughts on the whole apple fiasco by snarfing a package of oreos. The thing is, one of my life goals is to have healthy patterns so entrenched that they are my fall back plan! I want to untangle that loss/gain/deprivation/entitlement/hurt/comfort knot and keep it untangled. I'm pretty sure that the energy I spend right now picking at that writhing mess could be better spent once the fault lines were separated and clearly marked.

I have made progress in a general sort of way despite this week's disappointment on the scales. I'm getting better at catching myself in the early stages of free falling. I'm getting faster at navigating past the stage of "Oh well, I've already blown it, I may as well go ahead and _______." I'm also braver about admitting "failure" in the short run because I'm beginning to trust that I am capable of "success" in the long run. I've resigned myself to finishing DFL in the online weight loss challenge, but I'm still in the race. Maybe I'll PR next time. Peace.

Tuesday Down The Tubes

My ex is a jerk (but I suppose everyone's ex is a jerk otherwise they wouldn't be exes?) and I haven't slept because of a bullshit letter signaling the next round of lawyer games. You would think that being divorced for SEVEN years would have put this crapola behind us, but no. BLECK. (And note to my ex or his attorney if they're reading - get off my blog. You're not welcome here.) Everyone else - sorry to be a whiner this morning.

I am helping to proctor the EOG's (End of Grade Exams) today (and tomorrow). Nothing like spending the day watching middle schoolers take a test and escorting them to the bathrooms.

I guess the upside is that I've lost two pounds (although I'd rather have the pounds than the churn with the ex) and I have a swim on the plan for today. Of the three disciplines, the swim is the most reliable for letting me purge stress. When I have a good run, it brings more clarity than the swim. But as we've demonstrated over the last six weeks - the run is hot or cold. The swim is always at least lukewarm.

Gee, I'm pleasant today. Can't wait to have some time to check in with everyone later and see how the week is shaping up! Peace, my peeps.

My Butt, She Is Not So Aero

I am tired of losing the same freaking five pounds! Up, down, up, down. My scale is doing more reps than I am. Grrrrr. I am getting stronger. I am making gains in my base fitness (which is good really, because I can't afford any losses in that arena if I'm to have any hopes of finishing the oly!) Muscle weighs more than fat, blah, blah, blah - I DON'T CARE! (That is such cold comfort for this pudgy girl.) Seven months seemed like plenty of time to whittle away thirty pounds. And it was! But the race is now four months away (as of yesterday) and those thirty pounds? They are still hanging around my hips. They have officially overstayed their welcome. Out, out damn spots fat cells! Be gone and stay gone! I have a proven mastery of the general concept of "spending more than you bring in will leave you in deficit" (just ask my bank!), so why, why, why have I had difficulty applying this knowledge to calories?

One thing I recently discovered is that there is a difference between what I consider a tablespoon of peanut butter and what the diet world considers a tablespoon of peanut butter. "Heaping" is, perhaps, not an adjective conducive to weight loss.



Another thing I'm beginning to realize is being "bike hungry" (Cindy's wonderful term for that hollow, gnawing hunger that starts in your toes and claws its way up your body) is not an excuse to eat Krispy Kremes - even the whole wheat kind.

I've spent hours over the last couple of days trying to figure out intake, output, electrolytes and nutrients in order to come up with a healthy training/racing fuel plan for myself. I've come to realize (exactly as I did when I was pregnant, dammit - why didn't the lesson stick?) that there is no room for empty (or even only moderately full) calories if I'm to get all my nutrition in. Efficiency, that's what I need! Every bite (or splashy gulp) is sacred! I like fuel better than food anyway so this isn't a problem for me - except it's taking a lot of brain power. A lot. If thinking about all this stuff were an endurance sport, I'd have finished a half-iron by now. I'm just saying.