I signed up for the online, month long Independence Weight Loss challenge and promptly gained weight. *Insert serious grumpy face here!* That was not exactly part of my plan. You know, my plan - the one that includes making healthy food choices, doing all the scheduled workouts, and getting enough rest? Yeah. Part of that plan was losing weight.
Turns out though, I'm not following that plan. I had a whole other plan up my sleeve - a stealth plan as it were. Who knew? This plan has surprise components like being to "busy" to workout and forgetting to eat entirely one day only to morph into cookie monster and snack the night away. You'd think I'd notice such a radical departure from the original plan but there you'd be misguided about what the word "original" means. The stealth plan is my original plan - one I've spent years following. It's so comfortable, so easy to slip back into - just like that favorite pair of comfy jeans. (The ones splitting at the thigh seams? Yeah, those.) The new plan - the skinny jeans plan - that plan still takes gobs of focus to accomplish. Which is unfortunate. The ability to pay attention to my plan is about the only thing I've lost this week!
I'm not claiming to have pioneered new territory here. Falling off the diet wagon during times of stress is an ancient tradition. Eve probably processed her thoughts on the whole apple fiasco by snarfing a package of oreos. The thing is, one of my life goals is to have healthy patterns so entrenched that they are my fall back plan! I want to untangle that loss/gain/deprivation/entitlement/hurt/comfort knot and keep it untangled. I'm pretty sure that the energy I spend right now picking at that writhing mess could be better spent once the fault lines were separated and clearly marked.
I have made progress in a general sort of way despite this week's disappointment on the scales. I'm getting better at catching myself in the early stages of free falling. I'm getting faster at navigating past the stage of "Oh well, I've already blown it, I may as well go ahead and _______." I'm also braver about admitting "failure" in the short run because I'm beginning to trust that I am capable of "success" in the long run. I've resigned myself to finishing DFL in the online weight loss challenge, but I'm still in the race. Maybe I'll PR next time. Peace.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
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8 comments:
He he, so true. Those bad habits just seem to sit there and wait for a stressful moment to slip back in the door and take a seat on the couch. Feels like they never left.
The thing is though, progress is like poison to those habits. So is self awareness. And you have gobs of BOTH!
I would say good luck but you don't need it. Just keep doing as you are doing and be good to yourself.
Eating healthy takes planning... It takes planning to have five to six meals a day ready for you. It's a lot different when your body is full because you feel like you have been eating all day (cause you have), just healthy stuff in the right portions.
Important thing is keep trying, keep taking a step back to evaluate. You WILL get it right!!!
You are not alone...I've been craving milk (chocolate or plain, doesn't matter) after my long bikes/runs lately. And, what goes better with milk than cookies?? Oh, and I've discovered a new M&M flavor...crispy mint!
You're doing well and have a great attitude :)
Stick with it! :)
You can do it! Just start over. We all have to start over!
first...Cindy is so wrong to mention those Mint M&M's. SOOO GOOD!
I may as well go ahead and _______."
I may as well go ahead and "Workout"
Seriously, you've done great so far.
"I want to untangle that loss/gain/deprivation/entitlement/hurt/comfort knot and keep it untangled. I'm pretty sure that the energy I spend right now picking at that writhing mess could be better spent once the fault lines were separated and clearly marked."
Sometimes, like last year's Christmas lights, it is better just to throw the damn thing away and start over.
Maybe it is because when I got clean I thought I needed to know why I would do that to myself in order to stop. I found out that I just needed to stop and figuring out why (partially, who ever really knows why?)came later.
Then again, I am sucking ass at the diet department, so what the hell do I know.
Such a beautiful family. I hope you aren't too lonely without them this summer.
It's taken me several years to realize that stress is the primary reason why my diet goes awry. It's also been a major reason why I exercised over the years so perhaps it hasn't been all that bad but poor eating habits affect my ability to exercise and think, making things even more stressful. Recognizing the triggers and reducing them has been key for me. Sounds like you're on your way to doing the same. Don't give up!
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