Until our "official" training plan kicks in mid-March, we have target workout amounts rather than sport specific workouts. Donna is much better about hitting her target than I am. But I'm getting there. Today I stretched myself and managed to learn the next combination in our Dance Cardio routine. I lengthened my workout time and pushed that emotional/mental anxiety barrier by trying something new and complicated. Stronger than before!
I've had a lot of sassy, negative voices in my head since the new year began. I meant to defang them earlier by talking about them, but there's been so much else going on that I slipped back into the old pattern of being "fine" on the outside while they gnaw on me on the inside. No more! It may be cliche and unimaginative to resolve to lose weight starting January first but really, I resolved last February to lose 40 lbs. (<--Which more or less didn't happen - I lost a few pounds but right after the Pacific Grove triathlon they found their way back home and brought a few friends along.) Then I re-resolved to lose these pounds on December 8th and it took me a couple of weeks of fixing to get ready to get started before I had a workable plan. That's when the voices kicked in - whispering insidiously, "You didn't make it happen last year, what makes you think you can do it this year?" They warn me not to tell too many people about this pie in the sky goal lest I be embarrassed on top of being disappointed when I don't reach my goal. The voices wonder if talking about my weight will cause other people to pay closer attention to my size and shape. Whisper, nag, undercut, cackle, mutter - the voices have not shut up since I started articulating my weight goal. STUPID FUCKERS!! I hate those voices. I hate them because they are right in a way - I don't want to be embarrassed on top of being disappointed; I don't want anyone looking more closely at me right now. Hell - I don't want to look more closely at myself because it gives those voices that much more ammo. However - I want this. I want to be lean and athletic. I need less padding and more strength to do what I want to do in this world. Another thing the voices don't want me to say out loud (lest I sound fruity and new agey and I don't know, crazy*) is that I had a dream on January 8th from which I woke up absolutely believing I can do it this year. It was a rock solid feeling. It was all me believing in myself without any doubts. No doubts about my ability to achieve my aim, no doubts about the hard work it will take to get there, no doubts about why I want what I want - no doubts at all. It was such a strong feeling that it lasted most of the day where other feelings left from dreams evaporate before the teeth can even get brushed. The voices were practically silent for the rest of the week. Of course they've come back but I am sick of them! I don't think I'll have another dream to help me fight them off again so I'm pushing back the only other way I know how:
I'm putting it out there - I intend to weigh 127 lbs on or before November 7, 2009. Losing a pound a week should get me there. That is doable - even if I personally have never done it. I am strong. Stronger than before!
I have more to say but it'll have to wait for another post. Remind me if I get distracted by something shiny and forget to post it - I have more treasure in the form of some long lost pictures. Peace out y'all!
*Like hearing "voices" isn't the textbook definition of crazy?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
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12 comments:
A pound a week is DEFINITELY a doable goal :-) You can do it chica!! Here's to 127!! ;D ;D
Okay I too will risk sounding "new agey" and maybe "crazy."
Seems to me that the feeling you woke up with on January 8 is EXACTLY what YOU are bringing to the table in 2009.
Call it back up whenever you need to because it's still there. Even if the voices tell you it's not, it is. You know it is. In your heart, where it matters.
I struggle with the mind demons often also. I keep reminding myself: you're better than that. Keep thinking the same thing.
Yea you can do it. Totally. very easily. 1 lb a week is great. i'm fighting off the holiday bulge right now too.
A wise friend once said
"Dude - Positive Self talk"
Wise words.
Serious;y though, keep the 'crazy' self talk positive and you'll find your way path through any problem.
Good luck with your weight goal. I believe in you.
Yep, those old tapes in your head that play back every mistake, every shortcoming, real and imagined. I am all to familiar with them.
Time for an assets inventory (now look who is going all "new agey") List all the accomplishments, and wonderful things in your life that are a direct result of being stronger and willing to take risks.
You will then see what we all already do.
If you put yourself on a good solid meal plan, and you train for the half ironman, you will lose a good bit of weight. Good luck! I'm cheering for you ALL around :-)
I am so proud of you and how strong you are already!
Although I suck in this area, it is all about the positive self talk replacing the negative. Have words ready for everytime those nasty little voices start chatting. Tell them to shut up because "....."!
Good luck on all your 2009 goals!
I could have written this myself...or at least half of it...I haven't found the positve self talk yet. You can do it, you are stronger!
go get it!!! i know you can do it!
A new year, a new chance to make some positive changes to one's life. Nothing will change unless you make it happen. YOU CAN DO IT!!
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