The Best Medicine

I totally blame Marcy for my wasted afternoon yesterday. I could NOT tear myself away from the site she linked to. On the other hand - the "sushi" picture I found there made me laugh so hard I scared the dogs. And I probably would have wasted the afternoon stressing about today's doctor appointment anyway had I not been busy laughing and freaking out the pups. So. I wish I could laugh like that again today. I'm a major anxiety ball this morning. If I had to measure my dread - it would be bigger than I am. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate going to the doctor's. (The gal I see would quip, "Good thing I'm a nurse practitioner then and not a doctor." She even offered not to wear her lab coat if that would make it better for me. Which it wouldn't, but I appreciate the sentiment. She is quite kind and good and professional and I trust her. Yet. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate having to go see her. That is what they call irrational. Phobias are like that I suppose.)

In an effort to follow my motto ("Behold, I am doing a new thing!") I am trying out a new strategy for dealing with this particular dread. I am going to workout before I go. In the past, I have tried to circumvent my doctor anxiety by employing one or more of the following distraction/avoidance tactics - eating "comfort" food, reading a mindless book, not getting ready until I don't have very much time left before I have to leave, scrubbing the floors, working a very difficult sudoku, folding laundry while bargaining with God that if I can get four loads done before the appointment - then I don't have to go, etc. Those strategies have worked well enough to get me to the doctor's office more often than not, but they're not really in keeping with my plan of, you know - growing and evolving. They're really all just sporadically effective stop gaps.

I contemplated all this at 2 a.m. (in between nightmares about missing trains because I was at the airport and falling down stairs and breaking all* of my arms - but I digress.) I do know that any version of bullying myself will not work. At all. Even though I cheer for folks who can motivate themselves with internal monologue of "HTFU" and "Put your big girl panties on and GO!" I know that will unleash backchat and tantrums in my own psyche. At this point you are probably saying a prayer of gratitude that you do not live in my noisy, sassy head - but wait, Trinity sometimes makes an appearance, so it's not all bad. Case in point :
The closest I get to the HTFU mentality is my hero's saying to herself, "Get up Trinity. Get up!"

Working out today before my appointment has a lot going for it. The physical work should help with the physical component of the stress; working out on schedule instead of letting myself off the hook should be good for my mental toughness; and it could help me start a healthy, new, reliable pattern. I realize that's a lot of coulds and shoulds to place on one Dance Cardio DVD. And I'll probably have sushi for lunch as a reward after so I'm not exactly giving up on the comfort food plan. Still, it's worth a try, isn't it?

*The "all" in this case was three. It's a sure sign I'm stressing out when I have extra limbs in my dreams. It always happens. I'm pretty sure I don't want anyone to tell me what this means.