You Say It Like It's A Bad Thing

It is true that when it comes to triathlon, one or more of the following words could apply to me: obsessive, neurotic, analytic, inquisitive, chatty, intent, focused, distracted, nervous, worried, type A, detailed, and/or peppy. I think it likely that even as I move deeper into this sport, folks will not often be tempted to slap labels on me like easy going, relaxed, calm, serene, or silent. I am what I am. But I'm not alone, right?

I mean other tri folks do over the top things like:

• Watch this video (six times) (not that it helped) before shopping for wetsuits.**
  
• Try this stretch in the pool (not that it helped) before attempting it on land.
• Practice peeling and eating bananas on the bike trainer. (May have helped. At least I didn't fall over which I did when I practiced standing up on the pedals on the trainer.)
• Spend 20 minutes cutting large bloks of jellified something or other (rice syrup??) into finicky little bite size pieces (only to have them re-aggregate themselves in the baggie - grrrrr.)
  

I mean, in a sport where people spray their bodies with PAM, stick band aids on their nipples, pee on themselves (by choice), stuff wet sponges under their hats, and brag about losing toenails - there's room for me, isn't there?

I ask this question semi-seriously. There is an exclusivity to triathlon that I am (perhaps overly) sensitive to. I've written some about this already, but I've been hanging out as a wannabe for a looooong time. I've watched others jump right in as I shuffle along on the sidelines hemming and hawing, wondering how to fit in. Maybe I've been waiting around for an engraved invitation? If so, that invitation has arrived! (Truth be told - it probably arrived a while ago and I was too chicken to open it and read it carefully.) The invitation to the triathlon party has come to me in the form of pros and coaches like Carole Sharpless (check out her blog) and Sally Edwards (check out her book). It has come to me in the form of powerful examples set by extraordinary triathlon women who have jobs, kids, weight issues, years on me, difficult circumstances and fears to face down too (check out my sidebar). Now that I'm reading more carefully, I've even found some fine print down here at the bottom of the invitation. Seems there are men (folks of the male persuasion, guys, y-chromosome laden people!) who are welcoming, encouraging, kind and supportive. (I mean, I've assumed there were other guys as nice as Willie (my first guy blogging buddy) out there, but now I have proof! Check out some of the comments they've left or again with the sidebar. --->)

With that much accessibility, encouragement, advice, and motivation fanning my long sheltered spark for all things triathletic - is it any wonder that I have a real fire inside now? Not at all. What is amazing (and aggravating) to me is that there are still things holding me back (aside from the normal obstacles of hard workouts, eating weird gels instead of food, balancing training with the rest of life, etc.)

Today's obstacle and renewed questions to self about fitting in (and wanting to fit in) come from an accumulation of comments/lines from posts (out in the wider tri-blogoshpere - not right here) that I can't quite get out of my head. (I am not much of an in-your-face kind of gal. I am also not good or comfortable with being quiet about things that bug me. Here I am, on my own blog - floundering around in the middle, taking too long to write a post, talking in circles - really, I'm trying to get there!!) Here's what I need to throw out there today in an effort to help myself past it:

I Hate Hate Language:
Why do phrases like "man up" and "being chicked" persist? (I realize that yes, women do their fair share of guy bashing and yes, the "war of the sexes" isn't going to go away, and also yes, these rank relatively low on the scale measuring misogyny. Still. Why is it necessary? And for a great post touching on exclusion, misogyny, and weight - read Thea's offering.)

Y'all may have realized I'm not the straightest or most conventional girl on the planet. (In case you didn't realize it - here, here, and here are a few flags I could wave if I were much of a flag waver.) What does that have to do with triathlon? Not a whole heck of a lot - which is why, other than mentioning my fantastic support crew in ways pretty much every other athlete I read mentions their loved ones, I don't think it's come up before or will come up often. I bring it up now because I bring my whole, multi-faceted self to triathlon. While I find hate language of any kind repulsive, it's pertinent to say (and explain why) I notice anti-LGBT slights more than most. I will admit to being surprised at the level of homophobia in the tri-world. A few recent examples (had to limit myself to three four):

• An anonymous commenter wrote "That is gay squared with a side of queer" about a tongue-in-cheek post that had nothing to do with anything gender/sexuality oriented. Clearly the words gay and queer were used as if they were synonymous with terrible, bad, sucks, etc. I think that commenter is mean squared with a side of cowardly.
  
• A popular blogger (whom I would like to like in spite of stuff like this) recently said something along the lines of having to give in and wear those gay nose plugs. Gay meaning what exactly? Something negative - un-macho? unfashionable? practical yet unattractive? (I do not pretend to be either an expert on or spokesperson for the entire community but of the gay folks I know - the fashion conscious wouldn't be caught dead wearing nose plugs and the function-oriented wouldn't care what anyone thought if nose plugs happened to work for them. How does that make them any different from the overall spectrum of folks? What does gender/orientation have to do with it?!)
  
• In the comment discussion on a post having to do with weirdo locker room behavior, one commenter "trumped" everyone's stories by saying they had a tranny in their locker room. Even though the transgendered woman's behavior wasn't disturbing or invasive (keeping to herself in a corner as she changed), her mere existence was considered enough to trump in a discussion of weird behaviors. Now, I don't feel especially comfortable with transgendered folks. I know I'm ignorant of some of the ins and outs of their lives/culture and could easily say something unwittingly stupid or hurtful which makes me pretty tongue tied. (What little bit I can even imagine of what it would be like to be transgendered makes my whining about fitting in or feeling excluded sort of pathetic.) But I absolutely don't understand the jump this commenter made.
• In a post about her bad hair day due to humidity, a blogger made the comment that she "looked like a lesbian, but not one of the good kind". WTF? You can tell good lesbians from bad lesbians by their hair? Does frizzy hair make you a "bad kind" of lesbian or is it an intentional code to let others know you're aligned with the dark side of the Force? What on earth is this woman talking about? Seriously, someone enlighten me.
  

I feel slightly disillusioned to have discovered that triathlon is like any other human endeavor - warm-hearted, open-minded, live-and-let-live folks mixed right in with a few narrow, scared, mean-spirited folks. Not that I don't have my own moments of small, fearful snarkiness! Everyone does. My hope, though, is to move through them as quickly as possible: to be defined by brighter moments and aligned with more positive forces in the world - love, inclusion, compassion, diversity, joy, and accountability. (Speaking of positive forces for inclusion and inspiration: Thank you ShirleyPerly for posting the Team Hoyt video at the Endurance Sports Bar for the Grand Opening. I will carry it in my head and heart from now on.)

People (myself included) are free to say whatever they want on their blogs. Other people can choose to read or boycott, agree or disagree with, and lurk or comment on said blogs. Please know that my blog, my way in the world, and what I'll work for in my life and in triathlon - is to make it more inclusive, expansive, and welcoming. I've spent all these words trying to say that I want to accept the kind invitation to the triathlon party - but only if I don't have to come in costume, only if I can show up as myself. I don't need more signatures on the invitation; I don't need to write back and say, "Are you sure you know what you're doing inviting ME?"; I simply need to be brave enough not to hide who I am as I move along.

I'd sure like it if my new blogging buddies continued to visit and comment here even after knowing more about the whole of who I am. I love the discussions. I value the insights and encouragement offered. I truly enjoy getting to know new people - all kinds of people, not just the ones like me. I'd love to keep visiting and commenting on the wonderful blogs I've discovered. I'll try to track it if you stop commenting so I don't continue to bug you with my comments on your blog if you'd prefer I stay the heck away. But I'll be on the starting line as often as I can, wanted or not. Peace.


PS -
**I started to amend the wetsuit video bit by saying that if there weren't a need for it then why would there be a video - but that logic falls apart when you consider that this product is on the market. I see no discernible need for such an item. If you do, then please, for the love of God, do not tell me.