Did I Say Five Days?

Five, ten, who's counting?
Sheesh.
The quick recap:
Negative Thing One: the mediation ... sucked. But not quite as horribly as I envisioned. (Unexpectedly - we got to sit in separate rooms! Thank heavens for small blessings. Really, it's the only detail that made the morning remotely bearable.) There was a tiny, ridiculous, stupidly optimistic part of me that hoped (knowing the million to one odds) that we could work something out in mediation. We did work something out - the visitation schedule (so now I don't have to dick around with my ex trying to figure that out month by month which is a HUGE improvement for my kids). But we're still going to trial. A trial the mediator said would take a year to even get on the court's calendar (OMG - another YEAR of this?! The thought of that is so nauseating that my brain shuts down), a trial the attorney said could cost me at least 10-15k more (without factoring in some of the more probable esoteric court costs), and most devastating, a trial my head and heart tell me will be draining and challenging in the extreme for my sweet family. A trial in every since of the word. Bleck. Continued prayers and good wishes will be highly appreciated. (Although I do plan to say as little about it as possible from now on.)

Negative Thing Two: sad, sad, saddest news! I found out from my mother that one of the boys from my youth group (sidenote: I was a youth minister once upon a time) committed suicide a few weeks ago. Oh my heart aches for his family. Aches! He was a good guy with a complicated family and biochemistry. You know the numbers statistically and you get trained to do everything you possibly can to be part of the safety net for kids - knowing some will still slip through. But egads it hurts when those numbers are real kids, with real fears/problems that fall through every safety net there is. There are so many dangers out there that we have no chance of preventing, it seems extra horrible to have something that "should" be preventable snatch children. As a parent, as a caring person in the community - it shakes me to my core to lose kids this way. RBR - I know as a high school teacher - you have faced this too! I want to scream "Somebody do something!" Unhelpful. But there it is.

I do have a couple of positive things to say for myself. I continued to train through the emotional pain. It helped more than I could have imagined. I was good to myself in terms of eating healthy things at appropriate times. I did NOT fall back on old habits of unhealthy comfort. No comfort eating or drinking or even over training. I allowed myself extra sleep and the dubious "comfort" of simply being uncomfortable and out of sorts. I allowed myself extra time to recover physically and emotionally - even to the point of putting off my return by a day because I hadn't slept enough to feel safe driving. In times past I would have pushed myself to follow the arbitrary schedule and been ugly to myself about it the whole time. I've decided that love is the better response, not just in terms of being kinder outwardly but inwardly as well.
Cheesy? Maybe so. Most definitely in fact. True and healthier and in line with who I want to be and where I want to go though. So. I'm off to go pick up my kids from the airport. YAY!!!!!
I'll be back to do my weekly review (squashing last Sunday's report into this one's - two birds with one stone or just plain lazy - you decide.)
Happy training all. (And? I missed you!!)